mizery lovez company

Sometimes, even the most chipper of us have a bad day. Sometimes, we have a few bad days in a row. And that is where I am.

This treatment cycle - number four was on November 23 - has been particularly rough. I don’t know if it is because the holidays are upon us and it makes me sad to be sick at this time of year. I don’t know if it is because I’m just getting mentally worn down and sick of being sick. I don’t know if it is because the cumulative effects of my chemo are making it worse as time goes by. I suspect it’s a combination of all three.

So, positive upbeat optimistic defiant funny little me has been, in a word, miserable. How miserable? So freaking miserable that I’m fantasizing about how lovely it would be if I could just puke. I literally close my eyes and remember fondly days of food poisoning when I could just throw up until I felt better. But as I have said many a time, I was blessed(?) with a strong constitution, and therefore:
I. Do. Not. Puke.

Funny story. When this whole process got started, my biggest fear would be that I would in a state of constant vomit. I had nightmares about it. I worried about what I could eat that wouldn’t be too gross when it came back up. And now? F-that. Now, all I wish for is the ability to purge all the bad feelings away. (In retrospect, not a funny story at all.)

But I know this will pass. I will have better days. I will smile and laugh and be happy again. I will enjoy the company of my BFF when she gets here in two days for a visit. And I will, eventually, write another quippy feel-good blog that you will be glad you read!

Until then...