I'm sure you'll get a good laugh out of this, but I assure you it is with great reluctance that I am posting it.
I originally wrote this blog just for the viewing pleasure of MO Paul. But his response made me laugh so much, I felt it needed to be shared. This is a little post I like to call
colon stones
Whenever you hear about someone getting a kidney stone, chances are your automatic reaction involves sucking in your breath and vocalizing some 'aaarrrrrr' uncomfortable noise. But I say kidney stones are a walk in the park. The real menace is colon stones.
Kidney stones are small; after all, they pass through the urethra, which is really really tiny. Colon stones, on the other hand, pass through the rectum, which in some cultures has been known to be the size of a grown man's fist.
Kidney stones can be broken up with lasers so that they pass more easily. Colon stones can be moved along with laxatives, but the stone itself doesn't shrink, it just gets loads of pressure built up behind it, adding further to the excruciating discomfort. No laser will help this rock!
I discovered colon stones during a recent influx of sedatives, pain killers, anesthesia, and other assorted medicines to "help" me. But no doctor ever warned me. There was no label stating that I wouldn't be able to make my daily constitutional for days at a time; nor that when I did, it would hurt like I was attempting to pass a boulder the size of... well, Boulder (Colorado).
The other morning, I was in so much pain that I thought at one point I would just simply vomit up all the excrement waiting patiently in my intestines rather than go through the agony of passing what had to be a 6" chunk of concrete.
When it finally passed, I was convinced for a second that what had shot out of me was not a colon stone, but instead my ovary - maybe my doctor stitched one in my large intestines and now it was gone! But that would be silly!
Or would it???
MO Paul's response:
Don't blame your medications. This is a family curse. I believe M.O. Leo has used my bathroom to pass a "colon stone" the size of one of your VWs.
LMAO!!!
4 comments:
Make a fist, stare at it and then contemplate the fact that some people do it for fun.
THAT was one hilarious blog entry and response!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Surely there must be a notch on one of the curves of the DNA double helix that identifies one's propensity toward having these colon stones, for they were familiar to me as I was growing up (father and brother) and remarkably, they manifested themselves in my three sons!!!
It took a nasty milestone in your life for the phenomenon to occur.
Oh, how interesting are these familial tendencies...would that the stones were gold....
Pass the plunger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I have "constitutional" problems, instead of stones I usually end up (after my labor) with a few "rabbit pellets" in the bowl. Of course, they are easier to pass, but I always know that it's just a "drop in the bucket" compared to what awaits final delivery.
Typical Rodrigues...talking about poop and body functions again.
(Would not have it any other way.)
(I laughed like a futhermucker)
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